I haven’t felt truly ‘Christmassy’ since I was a kid. My mum always used to make the house look incredible and we would always be lucky enough to wake up to stockings full of presents, and my brothers would always have the latest gadgets to play on when the family came over on Boxing Day. It was magical. The spirit and anticipatory excitement of Christmas came alive and filled my bones from head to when I was a little one, like nothing else mattered for a little while. I believed anything could happen, as did a lot of other kids (and adults!).
Of course, life took a different course and with separated/broken families, Christmas can actually be more heartbreaking than magical, and it has been for me for a while. Saying that, my mum always made sure that even though we struggled, and she was doing it all by herself, that we still had a beautiful festive season, and in a way it made it even more special.
Growing up with separated families can be a trauma within itself (trust me, I know) but when it comes to any holiday, I often find myself feeling so envious of families or people who can be in ‘one place’ for the entirety of a holiday season, and as I write this, even though me and my family have never had it easy, I am aware that I am lucky to have a roof over my head no matter what, and it could be much, much worse. But the daunting feeling of Christmas lurks over me around mid November time, and has stressed me out so much in the past that honestly I would rather jump on a plane and fly somewhere far away than enjoy any of the traditions that Christmas brings. Then, when it comes to the day and I’ve finished my ‘driving around like a mad woman’ phase, I actually settle down and love it, and it’s not usually until the day I truly feel ‘Christmassy’.
Where does all this negativity come from Maisie? You may ask.
Pressure. It’s the pressure of wanting to see everyone, the pressure of making sure I get everyone I love wonderful, thoughtful gifts and live at the same time (and trust me, that was hard when I only had part time jobs whilst in college), wondering if I will be able to keep up with day to day responsibilities whilst getting everything in time, how am I going to get from A to B on the day if everyone’s drinking, where will I wake up and go to sleep? If I don’t see that side of my family that day, I will feel so left out! How am I going to fit all this in?
When I met Jono, all that kinda of went away, and I know not everyone is able to say that they’ve moved into a new home during a pandemic with the love of their life, but I feel after many unfortunate circumstances in my life and bad luck with a few things, I deserve it. And I’m never that kind to myself (still learning).
But even if you haven’t, you still deserve and CAN have a magical, fulfilling time, regardless of circumstance.
This year is the first year in a while where I’m not actually panicking or stressing about who I’m seeing or what I’m doing or where I’m going, I am fully and completely at peace with the fact that I’m putting myself first, and living in the present 🎁 (get it) which in turn has allowed me to feel that festive magic again that I have craved for so many years.
So, here’s a little guide for you that I have used this year on how to ditch the pressure, and bring in your own 💗 #festiveboundaries 💗
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